there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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