my vag is so smooth its legendary
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
