I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
