Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
