My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
