I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
