I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
