i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
