so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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