ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
