i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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