Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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