I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
