Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
