will power is for people who don't want to get laid
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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