she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
