So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
