ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im holly from the hills drunk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
