I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
