Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She is in my trunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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