the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
