I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
