I feel like abortions should bother me more
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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