My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
