wanna go halves on a baby?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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