I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
