I just found a bag of teeth...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
