Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
