Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
