You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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