Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
