Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
