Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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