so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
