You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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