Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
