Sponge bath it is.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
