you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
