First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
