My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Rumble strips road head = magical
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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