Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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