I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
