dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
