If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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