: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
