hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
