This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize