So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
