i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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