I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
