Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
