Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
