I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
