I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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