8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
