my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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