I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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