the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
