I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
