i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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