cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
