Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
