sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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