Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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