You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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