Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
