God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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