The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
