and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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