I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
