Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
