Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen