Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.

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  (312): Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita. http://tfl.nu/kc15
  Replies (6) Good night (2761) Bad night (1215)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

  (224): View more from Illinois

  RUN RUN RUN RUN

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  (847): I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me (224): RUN RUN RUN RUN http://tfl.nu/a7sq
  Replies (23) Good night (3346) Bad night (813)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.

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  (678): Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house. http://tfl.nu/flvn
  Replies (7) Good night (3346) Bad night (692)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?

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  (613): My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding? http://tfl.nu/fdqr
  Replies (22) Good night (868) Bad night (4177)
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  (818): View more from California

  The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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  (818): The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs. http://tfl.nu/zk5x
  Replies (9) Good night (2047) Bad night (3637)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

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  (289): You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person. http://tfl.nu/dofi
  Replies (14) Good night (3302) Bad night (769)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.

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  (253): they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest. http://tfl.nu/yx0q
  Replies (21) Good night (3891) Bad night (767)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.

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  (423): I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud. http://tfl.nu/10lu
  Replies (9) Good night (2824) Bad night (640)
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  (760): View more from California

  No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.

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  (760): No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity. http://tfl.nu/loos
  Replies (1) Good night (485) Bad night (857)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years

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  (720): At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years http://tfl.nu/t2xh
  Replies (0) Good night (713) Bad night (489)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.

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  (44): You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas. http://tfl.nu/b55v
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (190)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."

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  (320): I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you." http://tfl.nu/09tn
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (420)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.

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  (706): But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it. http://tfl.nu/x7s2
  Replies (1) Good night (337) Bad night (572)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.

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  (416): As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/8qxz
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (228)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?

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  (908): He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven? http://tfl.nu/a24b
  Replies (3) Good night (200) Bad night (501)

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