I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka