I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say