I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches