"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
