man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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