The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
