my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
