My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
