So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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