you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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