you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
