I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I deserve to be covered in dicks
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
